From Stormie:

I know a director who treated her staff to Glamour Shot makeovers.  What fun they had!

Notes On Being An Assistant/Aide: I feel very fortunate to have worked as an assistant as well as a teacher because it has given me the experience of walking in both pairs of shoes.  Teachers have lots of homework and responsibility, but assistants work very hard too and are sometimes run ragged in their jobs.  Here are a few things I remember feeling when I was an assistant:
1. It hurt when the teacher placed all the children's names and her's on the wall, leaving mine out.
2. It didn't feel fair when I pushed children in the swings and physically supported them on climbing equipment while the teacher sat in the shade and supervised.
3. It hurt when the teacher didn't include me when talking to the children.
5. It was embarrassing when the teacher "overruled" what I said or did -- in front of the children.
6. It didn't feel fair that I was always asked to deal with the child exhibiting negative behavior by removing them from various situations, but when parents picked up the child, the teacher took credit for dealing with the problem.
7. Sometimes, it was like wandering around in the dark when the teacher would send me to get something if I didn't know what she was going to do with it.  For example, I remember the first day on an assistant job, I was asked to bring the teacher "some blue felt."  As I stood in the storeroom, I faced both scraps and whole pieces of felt, and in both light and dark shades of blue.  I had to go back and ask her to be specific.  Another time, I worked with someone who would instruct me to mix paints but then it was either too thin, too thick, too light, or too dark.  It was very frustrating!
        Because of having been an assistant, I'm very proud to say that as a teacher, when I had an assistant, I was very sensitive to her feelings.  Here are a few ways you can show appreciation to your assistant:
1. Always include her in print as well as in speech.
2. The first time a child has an accident, be the first to clean them, and if it happens more than once, take turns.  Why not?
3. Ask for and truly value her advice and opinions on various matters.
4. Both of you help children on the playground, and have a good time chatting while doing it.  Besides, outdoor time isn't "teacher rest" period.
5. If you divide the children up into boys and girls when going to the bathroom, give yourself the larger group first.
6. If you have a behavior problem in the classroom, ask your assistant which she would feel most comfortable with doing -- dealing with the child or taking over the class.  I personally was taught that as teacher, I should be the one handling the behavior problem, but by the same token, it can be frustrating to be thrown into the "teacher" role unprepared.
7. When speaking to the children, get into the habit of always including your assistant.  For example, if you're reminding them of a rule, say, "Mrs. ______   and I wear sad faces when our classroom rules are forgotten."
8. When asking children to line up or group themselves together after meeting with other classes, ask for "Mrs. Seevers and Miss_____'s" class rather than just "Mrs. Seevers' class."
9. Please, make it part of your morning routine to let your assistant know what the plans are for the day before sending her off to get things!  And when she does something the "wrong" way, lead off with a nice "thank you" before tactfully re-instructing her.  Don't belittle someone's efforts!
Believe me, these things make a difference.  People know when they are taken advantage of and aren't respected or valued in their roles.

Please e-mail me with your thoughts on this matter and I'll post your words below.  This can be a rather sensitive area so tell me if you don't want your name posted.

From Cena Vaden: I have an in-home preschool and recently brought in an assistant who is wonderful!  I enjoyed the section of your website on this topic.  I feel like allowing the parents as much interaction with her, as well as myself, will hopefully make her as significant to them as possible, therefore, encouraging their appreciation of her and how important she is to their child.  I also know what you mean about gift differences and I've been careful when it comes to my son's teacher, her three aides, (and that great bus driver)!

From Kristyn Devine: I was reading your "Notes on Being an Assistant" and I got goosebumps as I recalled my own similar experiences.  I was an assistant to a preschool teacher and I also worked as a collaborative special education teacher.  Working both as an assistant and a special ed teacher in a regular ed teacher's world were two very eye-opening experiences for me.  I too told myself that when I have my own classroom, if I ever have an assistant, I will always remember what it's like to be in those shoes and I will be sensitive to his/her position.  I just left my position as a collaborative teacher and am waiting to hear about a head teaching position for which I was interviewed.  I can't wait to get started in a position that will make me feel happy and successful.

From Susan, in Kentucky: I'm about to graduate from college and pursue my chosen career as a Preschool Teacher.  I too was an instructional assistant.  I applaud you for having this section on your website.  I was never appreciated in my job and felt very discouraged and frustrated.  I remember always having to do everything and the teacher always getting the credit.  I felt that I was not respected simply because I was just "the aide."  It's very disheartening to know that as much as someone can love children, sometimes there are people who can ruin the makings of an excellent teacher.

From Janet, in Illinois: Stormie, this is a sensitive subject that should be addressed more often.  I am a Head Teacher and am so well aware of other's feelings over the years.  I have had some terrific aides.  I believe that you should not ask your aide to do anything you would not do yourself.

From Renee: Stormie, I have been a Teacher's Aide now for 2 years.  It can be very frustrating at times.  There are days when I go home and honestly think about not going back the next day because I feel used.  For example, one of the times that bother me is holidays as the teacher gets ALL the cards and gifts while I receive very few.  And during the times I would like to work with a child who may be going to Kindergarten, I am told to go do something else and that "she" (the teacher) will take care of that.  Being a Teacher's Aide is one of the hardest jobs out there.  If a parent has something they would like to say they always report these things to the teacher, and if she has stepped out of the room, they will hang around until she returns to the room.  I just wanted to express some of my feelings and thoughts.  Thanks for allowing me to do so.
Response From Stormie: Renee's letter reminded me of an incident that happened with me once as an Aide.  It was Christmas, and children were bringing gifts for the teacher and myself.  I remember one child being prompted by "Mommy" to give us our gifts.  The teacher opened her gift first -- a very nice and rather expensive teacher pin.  Then, I opened mine -- a coupon saver.  I felt so unimportant and downright embarrassed, yet I felt I needed to show the same enthusiasm that was shown by the teacher in receiving her gift.  So, I know EXACTLY what Renee is feeling.  Don't get me wrong, it's not a matter of feeling that a coupon saver wasn't "good enough," but rather, it was just that I felt I wasn't as valued in my job.  After all, I was "just the Aide."  I know this parent meant well, but she had no idea the message it sent, and it hurt.  I have also been the teacher receiving a much nicer gift than my assistant, and I really don't like it.

From Denise: Hello Stormie, when I read your "Staff Relationships" page, I could very much relate.  I hated being a Teacher's Aide because I was treated like dirt and often felt "used."  I didn't feel that what I had to say was respected.  My working life was miserable.  Now I'm a Teacher -- an actual teacher.  I feel respected, and like one of the team.  I no longer feel the need to prove myself, and I'm fortunate to have co-workers who actually help each other.  The teachers here who have worked in this field for about 10-15 years act as mentors to us who are new.  They are very good at giving insight without judging.  Still, I can't help but feel protective of myself sometimes.  Even now, I still get pretty angry and bitter about it.  Maybe I shouldn't be that way but the experience left me with a mark that will affect me for awhile.  I think it's good for others to know how it feels being on the other side of the teaching fence.

From Janet: I have been in the child care field for over 25 years.  My career began as a volunteer in Head Start, then as parent leader, to assistant teacher, on to lead teacher, and now Director of a Head Start facility where I have seven wonderful employees.  I treat each one with respect, and my motto is: "Regardless of our job titles, we are here for the children."  I make sure every staff member knows every other staff members' jobs, and we cross train.  Although listed as lead teachers and assistants, we do not go by that -- we are all team teachers.  We respect each other and when someone is absent or out, we pick up the slack and get the job done.  Anyone on staff can do my job and I can do theirs.  All employees want to be treated with respect and know that their experince and skills can be used to enhance THE TEAM.

From someone who doesn't want her name mentioned, but who feels that by revealing her circumstances, others may see themselves and make an effort to remedy the situation: I am an assistant in a classroom where the teacher sits at the computer most of the day.  If she is not at the computer, she's out of the classroom.  She also does her "homework" (progress reports, prep work, etc) during instructional time -- a big "No-No" as I understand it.  I am not comfortable with this as I feel the children are being ignored and cheated of a positive educational beginning.  I am alone with 20 children a good portion of the time.  I am in charge most of the time, and so I automatically take control even when she is in the room, and the children come to me because the teacher ignores them so often.  It is getting very frustrating and hard feelings are brewing.

From Sharon Winter: I was very sorry to hear that many who've been assistants feel used.  I was wondering if when hired, these people where given job descriptions.  I feel this would eliminate many of the problems.  I've had three assistants in ten years and I've always tried to include them in everything I do.  I've always given them a choice in whether they would like to be included in activities and so forth.  I've always changed the children who have accidents -- I've never required my assistants to do so.  As all teachers know, we take all kinds of work home with us, but I like for my assistants to be able to go home and not worry about the work day again until they arrive at school the next day.  I never ask my assistants to do something I would not do.  Without her/him, I would not be able to do my job.  But by the same token, as the trained/educated teacher, my role is to supervise, teach and guide the children, with the help of my assistant, who may or may not be as qualified.  Unfortunately, due to the nature of our business, roles do overlap, and can get confusing, causing conflicts.  I always tell my staff that we are a "TEAM."  We must all work together for the benefit of the children!   Teachers need to show respect for their assistants, but assistants also need to understand that teachers work very, very hard to plan the classroom environment and they put lots of money into it, often out of pocket.  I don't mean to offend, but I have also been in situations where the assistant didn't want to share the expense of children's gifts (for holidays, etc), but then was resentful when her name wasn't included on the cards.  In my opinion, this also isn't fair.  I work for a private school and do not make much money myself and a lot of my income goes right back into my classroom.  So, it is a two-way street that requires give and take on the part of both the teacher and her/his assistant.  To all those teachers out there, always at the end of the day, remind your assistants of what a great job they've done on that particular day!  It's worth it just to see their smiles!

From someone who preferred not to leave a name: I really appreciate your "Staff Relationships" page.  I have been an assistant for nine years and am with my fourth teacher.  Only the first teacher included my name on everything (even what she sent home with the children), the other three have never put my name on anything.  It is very hurtful to know that you work that closely with someone and they don't think enough of you to include your name on the door, letters home or posters.  I just wish they could walk in my shoes (as you said).  The Aide has a big responsibility in the class.  I also wish more teachers would read this section of your website.

 From another who doesn't want her name mentioned: I am in a different teacher-aide situation: I am a teacher who was an aide for many years before becoming the teacher.  That transision was made easy by the fact that as an aide, although I often did the "dirty" work, I was never made to feel unimportant or inferior.  The teacher I worked for was a rare and special one indeed.  We were truly partners.  Now, after being a teacher for several years, because of budget cuts, I find myself with my director as my aide.  The problem: I now feel like an aide in my own class.  She often tells me she feels an activity was poor or should have been done differently.  She will "improve" on my artwork activities without asking me, and most of all, she feels free to send notes to my parents concerning the children and their behavior in class.  I feel like an idiot when a parent asks me about a "problem" their child is having in my class that I am not aware of.  Some of the things she sees as problems, I often see as something we should be addressing as a learning experience -- not as something that the parents need to be notified about.  She also often uses my class time to work on her various chores.  I have gone to art and found the project is not ready, gone to wash up and found no supplies, found myself alone with 16 small children and no aide in site because she is off doing something else.  So, here is my advice for an aide who is also a director:
* Do not offer unsolicited criticism of your teacher's lesson plans.
*Do not make changes to things you have been asked to do without asking first.
*Your job is very important support staff to the teacher.  Make sure you complete every task requested of you before using classroom time for your own work.
*NEVER criticize the teacher in front of the class!!
*DO NOT discuss student problems or behavior with the parents.  Please direct concerns to the teacher first.
*Make sure you are always available to help when the teacher needs it.  There are many situations where it is important for BOTH of you to be there.

From someone who doesn't want her name mentioned but who turned a negative situation into a positive one:
Hi Stormie, when I started teaching at a small preschool, I was hired 4 days before the start of the school year.  My assistant had been with the school for 17 years, so I was so grateful to have someone in the classroom who "knew the ropes!"  But then we had our opening night (held 2 days after my hiring): Some of the parents couldn't remember when their child was scheduled to come in on the first day (an orientation split-sessions day).  Since the director had never mentioned this to me, I didn't know the answer, so I asked my assistant.  In front of all the parents she laughed and said, "Can't you even remember what you assigned in your letters home?"  For the next several weeks, I felt like she was constantly undermining my authority with the children and parents.  I thought I was very inclusive (adding her name to mine on parent notes, going over my lesson plans with her in advance, etc.).  I would ask for her advice on specific activities, but she would shrug her shoulders and say, "I don't know, you're the teacher."  But when I didn't ask, she would criticize the activities (in front of the children, or parents at dismissal time).  I spoke with the director about the situation and received little help.  As a new teacher, all my confidence and enthusiasm was ebbing away.  It was time to take positive action!  Luckily, my neighbor is very close to my assistant's family, so I made it a point to go over one evening to my neighbor's house and praise and praise and praise my assistant.  Of course (as I'd hoped), all this trickled back to her.  And Stormie, it was like a rainbow set its pot of gold right in the middle of my classroom.  All of a sudden we were a team!  I'm not sure what the lesson is in all of this, except that I am fortunate to live in a small town!  I have since found out that the reason I was hired (at the last minute) was that the director could not find anyone willing to have a 17-yr "veteran" as an assistant.  Silly me!  Thank you so much for your website.  I always seem to need that jump start to get my imagination fired up!

From Laura in New Jersey:
At my preschool, we have a huge number of teachers and assistant teachers.  As an assistant, I find my head teacher always includes me and the other ass't with whatever she says to the children.  I don't even feel like an assistant because she encourages us to help make up projects and when she is absent has no problems with us running the classroom.  Assistants are just as important as teachers (especially since where I work there are twice as many assistants as teachers!) and it's nice to be treated like I matter.  I hate seeing or hearing about other assistants who are treated poorly or like they're just glorified baby-sitters.  We are all important to the care and well being of these children and should be recognized for our jobs.
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Reminder from Stormie: If you would like to begin collecting ALL my current classroom ideas (each on a 4 x 6" index card), as well as new ones that I create, you can do so by ordering my "Activity Cards."  Click here to check them out.